So I'm in the midst of writing three different blog posts on three very different subjects- Les Miserables, Battleship, and The Problem With Star Wars. Les Mis is proving to be a weirdly time consuming and rambling essay. Battleship will probably just be a silly list of things that I completely hated about the movie and and a strange rant about its last thirty minutes. The Problem With Star Wars may or may not be a very extensive look at all aspects of the series and its current supposed future under the control of JJ Abrams. It could also very well be a cursory discussion about my little nitpicks of the franchise itself.
But for now I'm putting them all on the back burner and giving a quick peek at my thoughts on last night's Oscar show.
I should say as a warning that I completely get that the Oscars are mostly rigged and shit. I don't care. They're entertaining and fun. They don't mean much, but whatever. They're mostly symbolic. And that's fine with me. I don't ever take them THAT seriously and neither should you.
I'll get into the actual winners themselves in a bit, but first I'll address some of the other highlights of the evening.
I don't have a working TV. I'm too lazy to go and get any kind of digital box thing (whatever it's fucking called, because I really don't care about what it's name is). So if there's ever an actual NEED for me to see anything on television I rely on a friend to invite me to Oscar night or on my family. In this instance, I turned to my oldest brother who was kind enough to host the evening's festivities at his apartment. He's got a giant TV which is cool and we ate junk food and pizza which is somehow always cooler. My mom was there as well to criticize and question every last stylistic choice of every last actor and film person seen on stage, from their clothing to their choice of words in their acceptance speech. All my brother ever really does is make fun of the fact that I'm either a. incredibly deadpan and serious in my demeanor or b. randomly emotional and aggressively argumentative about my personal feelings regarding something I'm genuinely invested in. So, all in all, it was pretty much a regular evening with the family.
The show itself- it was fun. Well paced. Entertaining. And Seth MacFarlane did weirdly better than I thought he would. Instead of the constant jibes and overly controversial jokes he, for the most part, toned himself and his material down to the bare essentials and kept things light. Except for the Lincoln joke, which, despite being incredibly tasteless, I did actually laugh at in a Django Unchained kind of laughing (where I'm mostly just kind of really uncomfortable). He was probably at his best however when he kept the humor swift and simple, the brief interludes between presenter changes and performances (I especially loved the Meryl Streep bit). And excelled wonderfully at the whole song and dance routines which were refreshingly different from the usual stale Bruce Vilanch style stand up jokes and definitely not as awkwardly rough as Hugh Jackman's numbers a couple years ago. Seeing Dan Radcliffe and JGL as well as Tatum and Theron trip the light fantastic was incredibly fun.
The James Bond Stuff- I'm a huge James Bond fan. It's one of my favorite movie franchises. They're the epitome of Hollywood (despite not being truly Hollywood) entertainment done right (for the most part; I'm looking at you, Moonraker). To see the Academy finally give one of the most popular film series ever its proper tribute was such a joy. The use of a cliched clip show was forgiven because it was well done and placed before the performances by the glorious Shirley Bassey and, the one and only, Adele herself, who proved, of course, she has the proverbial balls to perform along with legends like Bassey and Streisand, who followed later in the evening to give a nice memorial-song to Marvin Hamlisch. Naturally and rightly so, Adele was also awarded Best Song for Skyfall, which is definitely one of my favorite Bond songs ever.
The Musicals Celebration- Music and musicals were the theme of the evening. Many celeb tweets reiterated over and over that this particular Oscars show was produced by a pair of gay dudes. So, of course, the showtunes and melodramatic theme songs from a variety of different classic movies were played throughout the night. I didn't mind. But then, being gay makes me a big sucker for some sappy and romantic ditties. I appreciated the retrospective performances that gave props to Chicago and Dreamgirls with Catherine Zeta-Jones and Jennifer Hudson belting out their most memorable songs from each. HOWEVER, the inevitable compilation-medley by the entire Les Miserables cast left me weirdly drained. Seriously, the whole performance seemed to go on for as long as the entire film. Which is NOT a good thing. Hugh, of course, gave it his all, while most everyone else on the stage already seemed exhausted by their own performances. Crowe, as out of place as ever, brayed his way through maybe three lines and still managed to completely embarrass himself. The two best things (three really if you include Carter's outfit), were Hathaway's brief little re-immersion into the role of Fantine for maybe twenty seconds and three lines of lyrics and Helena's completely lackluster and bored performance of her minimal Master of the House lines. And just to prove more so that it didn't deserve to be nominated at all, Jackman's also brief singing of Suddenly was as pathetically forgettable as it was in the movie itself.
Those Random Remaining Songs (Chasing Ice, Life of Pi, & Ted)- I agree with my mom. What the hell was up with the way they chose to 'perform' those songs? I mean, none of them were gonna win, but still. STILL. They could've at least given them each the chance to sing. Really the only major criticism I have here is with Pi's Lullaby being nominated. So we're calling some vague vocalizing and low-key humming a song now? Is that it? NOT IMPRESSED.
Warning: Odd Tangent To Follow. Michelle Obama. MICHELLE FUCKING OBAMA. She presented Best Picture. With, I kid you not, JACK FUCKING NICHOLSON. I'm not usually real into the big political speeches. But when it's the First Lady who is essentially talking directly to all the young artists and film students and struggling directors and writers and actors and shit, YOU PAY THE FUCK ATTENTION. I've never wanted to strive more to at least try and be successful at something, ANYTHING, related to writing for film. Even if I don't make it big, I can say I played the game. That I did my bit. That I did what I love. It really is true what they say, that most people who aren't actually making art don't understand the people who try and theoretically succeed at it. There's a weird and wacky mesh of crazy and obsessed and eager emotions all rolled into one that define what it's like to try and make a film on virtually any level.
A couple nights ago I went out and did shit I've never done before. EVER. I was out of my element and WAY out of my comfort zone. It was (with a large and very melodramatic wink and nudge) all in the name of the script I'm trying to create with the previously mentioned Cim. Really I was just trying to do something I'd never done before. Here was a chance to further myself in a way I'd previously never thought I could or would. Certainly for the other people in attendance it was no big deal. But for me, I interpret a great deal of the things that happen to me, especially new experiences, as relatively massive occurrences in my life. They MEAN something to me. They make me appreciate things and life and people. And do so in ways that I'd never before considered possible. I'm a shy person. I don't do outrageous things because it's not in my nature. I define going to a strip club and drinking maybe three shots (if I remember the number correctly) as outrageous, that's how UN-outrageous I really am. MY POINT IS, and I do have one, is this- I'm not going to get any kind of where if I don't try. AT LEAST TRY. If I ever wanna be name-dropped by Michelle Obama or get a chance to thank Cim for my current state of so-called creative thinking regarding 99% naked men or get an opportunity to heap praise on my friends and families, I need to TO DO SOMETHING. Michelle fucking Obama has inspired me to do just that. Because she was at the fucking Oscars. Presenting Best Picture. With Jack fucking Nicholson.
The Winners (not all of them, I'll for the most part ignore the ones I got right in accordance with my previously posted blog about my desired winners)
Anna Karenina shouldn't have won for anything. The costumes were just meh.
Les Miserables for Makeup & Hairstyling? Um. No. Not at all. That old people makeup was pure, unadulterated shit. The Hobbit all the way, bitches.
Life of Pi, like Avatar, was filmed largely against a green fucking screen. That is not impressive cinematography. Skyfall has impressive camerawork because almost all that shit is for fucking real and is real fucking impressive.
Lincoln's production while well-done was yet another example of Hollywood doing historical shit really well. The Hobbit however recreates sets and locations from nothing. FROM NOTHING.
Les Miserables again? For Sound Mixing of all things? If Les Miserables' sound was so fucking good why did Crowe sound that way? Couldn't they have Katy Perry'd that shit out?
OK, Brave won. It's Pixar. But Brave? Really? The most oddly confused and disjointed animated movie of the year that suffers from shitty writing and shittier mediocrity?
Why Argo for Adapted Screenplay? I mean it's not a bad script. But it's just so...so average. As a script. Lincoln for sure.
Tarantino winning- yes. Hathaway winning- yes. Waltz winning- yes.
We'll skip Lawrence for a second.
Daniel Day-Lewis was a foregone conclusion. Cooper would've been nice. Hugh Jackman was just trying WAY too hard throughout the whole movie. Haven't seen Flight yet, but doubtful it'll top either Lewis or...Phoenix should have won in my opinion. I continue to contend that his was the most unique and imaginative and weird and emotional and original performance of the year. I've never seen him do something like that before. And I've never seen a character like that before. Ever.
Yay for Ang Lee.
Argo- again a foregone conclusion. I would've preferred either Django Unchained or even SLP. But that's just ME. Not anyone else. That's MY taste. Not anyone else's.
Now.
Jennifer Lawrence. Earlier, I posted that Chastain should win for Zero Dark Thirty. I like Naomi Watts fine as an actress, but I take serious issue with the movie she was in and am never really bowled over by an actor who basically looks grimy and cries for two hours. There needs to be something deeper than just a survival story. I said it and I think it's true. People going through horrible and horribly real events doesn't equal a particularly compelling film. They are white people on vacation who go through something horrific. Okay, but I honestly don't care. What's at stake aside from their survival? The truth does not an interesting film or story make. Wallis for Beasts was a no. She's not a fantastically interesting actress in the movie simply because she's seems vaguely real and genuine in the way she can burp and scream. Also, her character was kind of an annoying bitch. And not in an empathetic, J Law in SLP kind of way. Um, Riva was fine I suppose. But it's a fucking French movie, which means I pretty much already don't care and don't like the characters b/c they're weird and unrealistic people who do odd things for inexplicably French reasons. Chastain WAS really good in ZDT. But. BUT. In retrospect, I do genuinely believe Lawrence gave the better performance and was the most compelling and brutally honest person on screen. Some of her lines were a bit wonky, I admit that, but that's the fault of the slightly not perfect screenplay by Russell and not her. There are three moments that stand out in that movie and she's at the center of all of them. The first is the diner scene where she laughs maniacally and shoves everything off their table. She is so fierce and raw and uncomfortable and funny in those few seconds that I laugh and cringe. Then there is the instance in which she tells Cooper off. Yes the writing isn't perfect (again) with her rather literal way of calling him a hypocrite, but the way Lawrence delivers the words makes it feel so very real and relatable (I think I've been on both ends of that kind of conversation before). And finally there is her first scene. She walks through the door. Cooper says a line I forget, but it pisses her off or something. She FEELS something. And she gives him a look like no other. It is mortifying and terrifying and hysterical and real ALL at the same time. It is PERFECTION. It is the perfect introduction to her character and I love it. It is arguably my single most favorite MOMENT from a movie this year.
And that's that. Make of this what you will.
PS- Shatner, I love you always.
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